Very entertaining and well written but if it has a fault, it is a little wordy. Lots of description can lead to very vivid mental imagery but there were one or two places in that where I lost the plot, so surrounded as I was by ajectives. But it sounds like you're already aware of that and the story shows a great deal of promise. I read it all the way through and I'm very interested to hear the next bit, not to evaluate but simply because I enjoyed reading it. If that isn't a success I don't know what is.
0
Writers Conglomerate
Started by Commander Loony, Aug 20 2008 11:21 PM
64 replies to this topic
#41
Malus Rune
-
- Members
-
- 4,092 posts
Canadian Idiot
- Gamertag:Malus Rune
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:Blackwater Park
Posted 15 September 2008 - 01:51 AM
?
#42
yinyang
-
- Members
-
- 295 posts
Follower
- Location:far side of insanity
Posted 16 September 2008 - 08:04 PM
okay, took me a while, but chapter 2 is here
YYYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
here it is
Chapter 2
Magic’s In the Air
Have you ever had a ball of fire thrown at your head? It nearly scared me out of my skin the first time. But that didn’t slow me down. As the fireball approached, time slowed down. I could see the flame come closer, see it grow¸ and see its trajectory, passing by Shelia’s head before centering between my eyes. I stepped forward, grabbing Shelia’s arm, spinning around and throwing her out of the way while drawing out one of my .454 Casulls out and aiming as I came back around, racking the slide as I did. Aiming at my target, I squeezed off one shot, moving out of the way of the fireball then stopping dead. It was then that I noticed four things. One, it had all taken place in under half a second, two, Torth was holding two swords he pulled out of nowhere and standing between me and Zane, three, I had nearly thrown Shelia into the wall over thirty feet away, and four, everyone’s face was filled with fright an astonishment, except for Torth, who’s face was as expressionless as always. “Jesus Christ. What the hell happened to me?” I said in the silence.
I was escorted back to the room that was sleeping in earlier by Torth with Shelia following nervously. I was allowed to keep my gun, but I did have my hands bound in some silvery rope that was hellishly strong. They also bound the rope to the wall behind my back. There was a brief argument but Torth let Shelia in to talk with me. He then took up position just inside the door, presumably to watch over me.
“Thanks. For throwing me out of the way earlier.” She said after seeing my confused look. “Where did you get a gun like that? And how do you know about England. And-”
“Stop, stop, stop.” I replied, as her questions threatened to overwhelm me. “How about this? You ask one and I ask one, and then we keep doing that?” At her nod I continued, “Ladies first.”
She smiled at that, then resumed her questioning. “How did you get a gun?”
Aware of Torth’s intense scrutiny, I answered “My guns? That one’s easy. I make them in my shop in Las Vegas. All three of my .454s I made myself. My turn. Where are we?”
“That’s a tough one. As far as I determined, we’re in a different world. I-I guess fell, fell into this world while I was on a flight to London from <unknown location>. Somewhere along the flight we were caught in what looked like really big missiles. All I remember I feeling a jolt and the there was this ripping noise. I got loose from my seat and started to fall. I looked up and the plane had been ripped in half everyone was falling. I looked towards the ground rushing up and then I woke up in the same meadow we found you in.”
“Sorry to interrupt, but when was that?”
“Three years ago. The year was 2009. Why?”
“Just wondering. 2009 you said? Then our worlds must be pretty similar. Nevermind. What’s your next question?”
“Oh. Um, what do you mean by our worlds must be similar?”
“Same dating system, same names, even the accent’s familiar, but, London doesn’t exist anymore. It was turned into radioactive slag back in 1984.”
“What?” came the horrified response.
“Some idiot in china thought it would be fun to glass half the world before being killed. Hit Europe, Russia, and the Western Seaboard. Glassed all of them down to the bedrock. After that, the world fell apart. Temperatures rose and most of the remaining population died from rad poisoning. Any longer and nobody would have been able to watch the moon fall.” Looking at her shocked face, I continued. “Yeah. We had it tough. My family was in Europe when the bombs fell, and the earth ended right before I fell here. Moon fell on D.C., well half of it, and shattered the continents. I fell in one of the cracks riddling the surface. Last thing I remember is watching me rush down towards liquid fire and glowing stone. Lost my best friend there.” Her faced filled with sadness, Shelia got up to sit beside me and gave me a hug. I leaned into it, each of us giving support to the other. Torth just stood there, not making a move. I thought he replaced himself with a statue, for all the emotion he showed. Not even an eyelid twitched.
“So,” I started after the moment had passed, “Um, I think you owe me four questions. I answered you question, gave how I got here, told you how I know about London, and gave you a history lesson, all in one.” She smiled and nodded. I continued on, “Good. First, how did Gareth throw that ball of fire at my head?”
She smiled at me and replied “Magic.”
I sighed. “Elaborate please.”
“Yes, yes, got it. Let’s see, magic here is basically pulling in energy, shaping and changing it using words and motions, then releasing it to do what you shaped it to do.”
“So I could make it to a ball of fire, or into a healing stream?”
“Yes, that’s right,” she replied, “although you should probably ask Elder Zane about it. I really don’t know much more about it.”
“Ok. Next, what is this place?”
“Another easy one.” she replied. “They call it the Monastery. Its one of the hideouts they have.”
“Ah. I better ask the old man more about it to?” At her nod I smiled and continued on. “Lets see. Um, last one for now, could you get me some solid food? Meat or something like that?” She looked up, and answered yes after Torth nodded and said, “I’ll be right back,” and left to get some food. “All right big guy, I got a question for you to.” I continued after she left. “Where did you pull that sword from? I don’t see blades on you.” He gave out a grunt and pointed at one of the rings he had, showing me the flat top of the gem. “You’re kidding me. You pulled them out that gem?” At his nod, I started to laugh weakly. “Now I’ve seen everything.” I continued to laugh. “Come on. Don’t look at me like that. This cannot be happening. Magic can’t exist.” He continued to stare. My laughter finally died down, but I continued to feel a little shaky. I sighed. This isn’t a dream, is it? He continued to stare. It was actually getting on my nerves. I decided not to get all bothered up and stared back. We were like that for about 10 minetues when the door opened. I turned to it, expecting to see Shelia with a big plate of food. Instead, I got Zane and Langsly, both looking all serious. “My day just keeps getting better and better,” I muttered under my breath.
“Mr. <insert name>, you haven’t gotten off on a good start with us.” Zane started saying.
“Sorry gramps, but it was your guy that attacked first, plus he threatened one of your people in the process. I don’t think I should be the one in the wrong.”
He listened to all that in silence, and then, with a slightly offended expression, “Gramps?”
“It’s a nickname, a respectful one for someone who has experience and leadership around him. It’s also deriding name for senile old men.” Torth growled at that and stepped forward, although he didn’t do anything threatening. But after noting how far he traveled in a single step, he didn’t need to threaten. His sheer size would do the trick. “Hey gramps, mind calling off your mountain here?”
“No, I don’t think I will. You see, you attacked one of my comrades and-”
“Hold on gramps, like I already said, your guy attacked first. I believe that puts him in the wrong.” I stopped as Shelia appeared at the door, a tray covered with food in her hands. I continued as Shelia tried to get past Zane, “Now if you don’t mind, can you get this rope off my hand so I can eat? I’m a little hungry at the moment. I promise I’ll be more polite once I get some food in me.” Zane continued to scowl at me, but he stepped aside and nodded at Torth. He stepped forward and untied my hands, then stepped back, taking the rope with him. Rubbing my hands, I got up and took the tray from Shelia, nodding my thanks, then went back the bed and started eating. Shelia stepped back, looking uncertainly between me and Zane, but stayed in the room to watch.
“So,” I began when I had gotten a few bites of solid food in me, “you wanted to know where I was from? Well, that’s pretty easy, I’m from a place called Las Vegas in a world that’s similar to where she came from,” pointing to Shelia. “However, as she will tell you, it’s very different, as it went down a different path. What am I doing here? You know as much as I do. Any other questions?”
“Yes,” he replied. “What will you do?”
YYYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
here it is
Chapter 2
Magic’s In the Air
Have you ever had a ball of fire thrown at your head? It nearly scared me out of my skin the first time. But that didn’t slow me down. As the fireball approached, time slowed down. I could see the flame come closer, see it grow¸ and see its trajectory, passing by Shelia’s head before centering between my eyes. I stepped forward, grabbing Shelia’s arm, spinning around and throwing her out of the way while drawing out one of my .454 Casulls out and aiming as I came back around, racking the slide as I did. Aiming at my target, I squeezed off one shot, moving out of the way of the fireball then stopping dead. It was then that I noticed four things. One, it had all taken place in under half a second, two, Torth was holding two swords he pulled out of nowhere and standing between me and Zane, three, I had nearly thrown Shelia into the wall over thirty feet away, and four, everyone’s face was filled with fright an astonishment, except for Torth, who’s face was as expressionless as always. “Jesus Christ. What the hell happened to me?” I said in the silence.
I was escorted back to the room that was sleeping in earlier by Torth with Shelia following nervously. I was allowed to keep my gun, but I did have my hands bound in some silvery rope that was hellishly strong. They also bound the rope to the wall behind my back. There was a brief argument but Torth let Shelia in to talk with me. He then took up position just inside the door, presumably to watch over me.
“Thanks. For throwing me out of the way earlier.” She said after seeing my confused look. “Where did you get a gun like that? And how do you know about England. And-”
“Stop, stop, stop.” I replied, as her questions threatened to overwhelm me. “How about this? You ask one and I ask one, and then we keep doing that?” At her nod I continued, “Ladies first.”
She smiled at that, then resumed her questioning. “How did you get a gun?”
Aware of Torth’s intense scrutiny, I answered “My guns? That one’s easy. I make them in my shop in Las Vegas. All three of my .454s I made myself. My turn. Where are we?”
“That’s a tough one. As far as I determined, we’re in a different world. I-I guess fell, fell into this world while I was on a flight to London from <unknown location>. Somewhere along the flight we were caught in what looked like really big missiles. All I remember I feeling a jolt and the there was this ripping noise. I got loose from my seat and started to fall. I looked up and the plane had been ripped in half everyone was falling. I looked towards the ground rushing up and then I woke up in the same meadow we found you in.”
“Sorry to interrupt, but when was that?”
“Three years ago. The year was 2009. Why?”
“Just wondering. 2009 you said? Then our worlds must be pretty similar. Nevermind. What’s your next question?”
“Oh. Um, what do you mean by our worlds must be similar?”
“Same dating system, same names, even the accent’s familiar, but, London doesn’t exist anymore. It was turned into radioactive slag back in 1984.”
“What?” came the horrified response.
“Some idiot in china thought it would be fun to glass half the world before being killed. Hit Europe, Russia, and the Western Seaboard. Glassed all of them down to the bedrock. After that, the world fell apart. Temperatures rose and most of the remaining population died from rad poisoning. Any longer and nobody would have been able to watch the moon fall.” Looking at her shocked face, I continued. “Yeah. We had it tough. My family was in Europe when the bombs fell, and the earth ended right before I fell here. Moon fell on D.C., well half of it, and shattered the continents. I fell in one of the cracks riddling the surface. Last thing I remember is watching me rush down towards liquid fire and glowing stone. Lost my best friend there.” Her faced filled with sadness, Shelia got up to sit beside me and gave me a hug. I leaned into it, each of us giving support to the other. Torth just stood there, not making a move. I thought he replaced himself with a statue, for all the emotion he showed. Not even an eyelid twitched.
“So,” I started after the moment had passed, “Um, I think you owe me four questions. I answered you question, gave how I got here, told you how I know about London, and gave you a history lesson, all in one.” She smiled and nodded. I continued on, “Good. First, how did Gareth throw that ball of fire at my head?”
She smiled at me and replied “Magic.”
I sighed. “Elaborate please.”
“Yes, yes, got it. Let’s see, magic here is basically pulling in energy, shaping and changing it using words and motions, then releasing it to do what you shaped it to do.”
“So I could make it to a ball of fire, or into a healing stream?”
“Yes, that’s right,” she replied, “although you should probably ask Elder Zane about it. I really don’t know much more about it.”
“Ok. Next, what is this place?”
“Another easy one.” she replied. “They call it the Monastery. Its one of the hideouts they have.”
“Ah. I better ask the old man more about it to?” At her nod I smiled and continued on. “Lets see. Um, last one for now, could you get me some solid food? Meat or something like that?” She looked up, and answered yes after Torth nodded and said, “I’ll be right back,” and left to get some food. “All right big guy, I got a question for you to.” I continued after she left. “Where did you pull that sword from? I don’t see blades on you.” He gave out a grunt and pointed at one of the rings he had, showing me the flat top of the gem. “You’re kidding me. You pulled them out that gem?” At his nod, I started to laugh weakly. “Now I’ve seen everything.” I continued to laugh. “Come on. Don’t look at me like that. This cannot be happening. Magic can’t exist.” He continued to stare. My laughter finally died down, but I continued to feel a little shaky. I sighed. This isn’t a dream, is it? He continued to stare. It was actually getting on my nerves. I decided not to get all bothered up and stared back. We were like that for about 10 minetues when the door opened. I turned to it, expecting to see Shelia with a big plate of food. Instead, I got Zane and Langsly, both looking all serious. “My day just keeps getting better and better,” I muttered under my breath.
“Mr. <insert name>, you haven’t gotten off on a good start with us.” Zane started saying.
“Sorry gramps, but it was your guy that attacked first, plus he threatened one of your people in the process. I don’t think I should be the one in the wrong.”
He listened to all that in silence, and then, with a slightly offended expression, “Gramps?”
“It’s a nickname, a respectful one for someone who has experience and leadership around him. It’s also deriding name for senile old men.” Torth growled at that and stepped forward, although he didn’t do anything threatening. But after noting how far he traveled in a single step, he didn’t need to threaten. His sheer size would do the trick. “Hey gramps, mind calling off your mountain here?”
“No, I don’t think I will. You see, you attacked one of my comrades and-”
“Hold on gramps, like I already said, your guy attacked first. I believe that puts him in the wrong.” I stopped as Shelia appeared at the door, a tray covered with food in her hands. I continued as Shelia tried to get past Zane, “Now if you don’t mind, can you get this rope off my hand so I can eat? I’m a little hungry at the moment. I promise I’ll be more polite once I get some food in me.” Zane continued to scowl at me, but he stepped aside and nodded at Torth. He stepped forward and untied my hands, then stepped back, taking the rope with him. Rubbing my hands, I got up and took the tray from Shelia, nodding my thanks, then went back the bed and started eating. Shelia stepped back, looking uncertainly between me and Zane, but stayed in the room to watch.
“So,” I began when I had gotten a few bites of solid food in me, “you wanted to know where I was from? Well, that’s pretty easy, I’m from a place called Las Vegas in a world that’s similar to where she came from,” pointing to Shelia. “However, as she will tell you, it’s very different, as it went down a different path. What am I doing here? You know as much as I do. Any other questions?”
“Yes,” he replied. “What will you do?”
i like to think that im not crazy, i just have a diffrent veiwpoint
why cant i stop laughing?
why cant i stop laughing?
#43
Evania-PG
-
- Retired Staff
-
- 811 posts
Production Assistant
- Gamertag:Evania Iktaros
- Gender:Female
Posted 17 September 2008 - 12:17 PM
Not bad. You may want to step back and slow things down a bit though. All of your scenes are so rapid fire that I start to miss parts of the story.
I still don't understand why he was supposed to be speaking Russian. The magic twist is nice though
Prologue and chapter 1 of Blade song are up
http://www.petroglyp...e...c=11119&hl=
I still don't understand why he was supposed to be speaking Russian. The magic twist is nice though
Prologue and chapter 1 of Blade song are up
http://www.petroglyp...e...c=11119&hl=
#44
Commander Loony
-
- Members
-
- 6,786 posts
That guy!
- Gamertag:Grenademan
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:the Great Darkness
Posted 17 September 2008 - 11:34 PM
I got some...written material heading your way, lads and lasses. Stay tuned...
Hivvy Mitilz.
#45
Malus Rune
-
- Members
-
- 4,092 posts
Canadian Idiot
- Gamertag:Malus Rune
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:Blackwater Park
Posted 18 September 2008 - 05:41 PM
Well, I'm not sure if this really counts, but I was thinking about the girl who I rather like and recalling the deepest pits of my despair at the darkest times of my obsession. So I wrote a set of lyrics about her (no names mentioned). It's meant to be a relatively slow, not particularly heavy metal song, similar to some of the slower Sonata Arctica pieces:
My beautiful darling I’ve waited far too long
I thought it best to stay silent but I guess I was wrong
I’m sorry that this might be too much for you to take
That whenever you smile you make my crumbling heart break
And I know appear so annoying and sad
My attempts to make contact, no matter how bad
And I’ll never forget you, that’s far beyond doubt
As beautiful on the inside as you are on the out
And I may hardly know you, that much I’ll confess
And I’m crying as I write this, and I couldn’t care less
And I know it’s only going to get worse from here
And I wish I’d never met someone like you, my dear
I don’t want to stop feeling, not much else remains
But the burden’s too much for me, as this explains
I don’t ask for your heart, oh, I know you’ll decline
I just want you to know that you’ve always had mine
I dreamed of us together, such a long time ago
And I wanted to ask but I was scared of a “no”
The very thought sickened me right to the core
Of seeing my dreams shattered down on the floor
And my friends would see it as an unforgivable crime
To become more obsessed then I am at this time
I’m losing my grip; I’m being forced to derange
By the girl who has nothing I would want her to change
(Chorus)
(Guitar solo goes here)
I know that I’m wasting, little more then a slave
And a part of me wants to lie down in a grave
Life shouldn’t be like this; it’s too much to take
When every decision’s too painful to make
And I see who you’re watching, and I know it’s not me
And it’s clear that you like him, that much I can see
Although I can’t see the attraction; what did he ever do?
But I guess if you like him, I’m happy for you…
(Chorus)
My beautiful darling I’ve waited far too long
I thought it best to stay silent but I guess I was wrong
I’m sorry that this might be too much for you to take
That whenever you smile you make my crumbling heart break
And I know appear so annoying and sad
My attempts to make contact, no matter how bad
And I’ll never forget you, that’s far beyond doubt
As beautiful on the inside as you are on the out
And I may hardly know you, that much I’ll confess
And I’m crying as I write this, and I couldn’t care less
And I know it’s only going to get worse from here
And I wish I’d never met someone like you, my dear
I don’t want to stop feeling, not much else remains
But the burden’s too much for me, as this explains
I don’t ask for your heart, oh, I know you’ll decline
I just want you to know that you’ve always had mine
I dreamed of us together, such a long time ago
And I wanted to ask but I was scared of a “no”
The very thought sickened me right to the core
Of seeing my dreams shattered down on the floor
And my friends would see it as an unforgivable crime
To become more obsessed then I am at this time
I’m losing my grip; I’m being forced to derange
By the girl who has nothing I would want her to change
(Chorus)
(Guitar solo goes here)
I know that I’m wasting, little more then a slave
And a part of me wants to lie down in a grave
Life shouldn’t be like this; it’s too much to take
When every decision’s too painful to make
And I see who you’re watching, and I know it’s not me
And it’s clear that you like him, that much I can see
Although I can’t see the attraction; what did he ever do?
But I guess if you like him, I’m happy for you…
(Chorus)
Edited by Canadian Idiot, 18 September 2008 - 05:44 PM.
?
#46
TheDude
-
- Members
-
- 3,289 posts
Gus the Celibate Walrus
- Gamertag:PyroNinja42
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:Dining in hell
Posted 18 September 2008 - 09:40 PM
Canadian Idiot, on Sep 18 2008, 06:41 PM, said:
recalling the deepest pits of my despair
"Slavery: Why unions back then wouldn't have worked"
-Mike.Nl
-Mike.Nl
#47
Commander Loony
-
- Members
-
- 6,786 posts
That guy!
- Gamertag:Grenademan
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:the Great Darkness
Posted 18 September 2008 - 10:31 PM
Canadian Idiot, on Sep 19 2008, 09:11 AM, said:
Well, I'm not sure if this really counts, but I was thinking about the girl who I rather like and recalling the deepest pits of my despair at the darkest times of my obsession. So I wrote a set of lyrics about her (no names mentioned). It's meant to be a relatively slow, not particularly heavy metal song, similar to some of the slower Sonata Arctica pieces:
My beautiful darling I’ve waited far too long
I thought it best to stay silent but I guess I was wrong
I’m sorry that this might be too much for you to take
That whenever you smile you make my crumbling heart break
And I know appear so annoying and sad
My attempts to make contact, no matter how bad
And I’ll never forget you, that’s far beyond doubt
As beautiful on the inside as you are on the out
And I may hardly know you, that much I’ll confess
And I’m crying as I write this, and I couldn’t care less
And I know it’s only going to get worse from here
And I wish I’d never met someone like you, my dear
I don’t want to stop feeling, not much else remains
But the burden’s too much for me, as this explains
I don’t ask for your heart, oh, I know you’ll decline
I just want you to know that you’ve always had mine
I dreamed of us together, such a long time ago
And I wanted to ask but I was scared of a “no”
The very thought sickened me right to the core
Of seeing my dreams shattered down on the floor
And my friends would see it as an unforgivable crime
To become more obsessed then I am at this time
I’m losing my grip; I’m being forced to derange
By the girl who has nothing I would want her to change
(Chorus)
(Guitar solo goes here)
I know that I’m wasting, little more then a slave
And a part of me wants to lie down in a grave
Life shouldn’t be like this; it’s too much to take
When every decision’s too painful to make
And I see who you’re watching, and I know it’s not me
And it’s clear that you like him, that much I can see
Although I can’t see the attraction; what did he ever do?
But I guess if you like him, I’m happy for you…
(Chorus)
My beautiful darling I’ve waited far too long
I thought it best to stay silent but I guess I was wrong
I’m sorry that this might be too much for you to take
That whenever you smile you make my crumbling heart break
And I know appear so annoying and sad
My attempts to make contact, no matter how bad
And I’ll never forget you, that’s far beyond doubt
As beautiful on the inside as you are on the out
And I may hardly know you, that much I’ll confess
And I’m crying as I write this, and I couldn’t care less
And I know it’s only going to get worse from here
And I wish I’d never met someone like you, my dear
I don’t want to stop feeling, not much else remains
But the burden’s too much for me, as this explains
I don’t ask for your heart, oh, I know you’ll decline
I just want you to know that you’ve always had mine
I dreamed of us together, such a long time ago
And I wanted to ask but I was scared of a “no”
The very thought sickened me right to the core
Of seeing my dreams shattered down on the floor
And my friends would see it as an unforgivable crime
To become more obsessed then I am at this time
I’m losing my grip; I’m being forced to derange
By the girl who has nothing I would want her to change
(Chorus)
(Guitar solo goes here)
I know that I’m wasting, little more then a slave
And a part of me wants to lie down in a grave
Life shouldn’t be like this; it’s too much to take
When every decision’s too painful to make
And I see who you’re watching, and I know it’s not me
And it’s clear that you like him, that much I can see
Although I can’t see the attraction; what did he ever do?
But I guess if you like him, I’m happy for you…
(Chorus)
Hey Canadian, sing this to you-know-who!
How I've Waited for You to Come.
I've Been Here All Alone
And Now That You Have Arrived,
Please Stay a While.
And I Promise I Won't Keep You Long...
...I'll Keep You Forever...
- "Dead Skin Mask", Slayer
Just don't do what the lunatic does that the song references. That could be slightly detrimental to all involved parties
Wait...that was your creation? Pretty good...for a deeply depressing song.
Edited by Commander Loony, 18 September 2008 - 10:32 PM.
Hivvy Mitilz.
#48
yinyang
-
- Members
-
- 295 posts
Follower
- Location:far side of insanity
Posted 18 September 2008 - 10:43 PM
the song counts
its a writers conglomerate
that means abything writable works, if you strech the definition
oh, and evinia, just to let you know, im just making it up on the spot
this is my first draft, where i get all the ideas
next ill put in details, and then, well, when i get there ill get there
its a writers conglomerate
that means abything writable works, if you strech the definition
oh, and evinia, just to let you know, im just making it up on the spot
this is my first draft, where i get all the ideas
next ill put in details, and then, well, when i get there ill get there
Edited by yinyang, 18 September 2008 - 10:45 PM.
i like to think that im not crazy, i just have a diffrent veiwpoint
why cant i stop laughing?
why cant i stop laughing?
#49
Malus Rune
-
- Members
-
- 4,092 posts
Canadian Idiot
- Gamertag:Malus Rune
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:Blackwater Park
Posted 19 September 2008 - 12:14 AM
Commander Loony, on Sep 19 2008, 04:31 AM, said:
Hey Canadian, sing this to you-know-who!
If only I could sing. And if only the last four lines didn't exist.
Commander Loony, on Sep 19 2008, 04:31 AM, said:
Wait...that was your creation? Pretty good...for a deeply depressing song.
Don't worry, I'm not that depressed anymore. But I'm very good at recalling old feelings and simulating them very vividly, which is what I did when I wrote that. But I wasn't really crying, in case you were wondering.
Edited by Canadian Idiot, 19 September 2008 - 12:29 AM.
?
#50
Commander Loony
-
- Members
-
- 6,786 posts
That guy!
- Gamertag:Grenademan
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:the Great Darkness
Posted 19 September 2008 - 01:56 AM
Nah, I wasn't wondering that. The vibe I get from the lyrics of the song is depressing - and something I can well and truly relate to.
But dwelling over such things isn't the way to go, man. Top job on the song though.
But dwelling over such things isn't the way to go, man. Top job on the song though.
Hivvy Mitilz.
#51
Malus Rune
-
- Members
-
- 4,092 posts
Canadian Idiot
- Gamertag:Malus Rune
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:Blackwater Park
Posted 19 September 2008 - 02:05 AM
Of course not. I just did it for the sake of a good song.
Edited by Canadian Idiot, 19 September 2008 - 02:10 AM.
?
#52
Commander Loony
-
- Members
-
- 6,786 posts
That guy!
- Gamertag:Grenademan
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:the Great Darkness
Posted 20 September 2008 - 11:05 PM
I'll post something really soon...
Hivvy Mitilz.
#53
Thunder
-
- Members
-
- 1,030 posts
Above The Law
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:Luleå, Sweden
Posted 21 September 2008 - 07:14 AM
I have a lot of stories in my head. I haven't written down any of them yet though. I shall post some of them here as soon as possible.
#54
Commander Loony
-
- Members
-
- 6,786 posts
That guy!
- Gamertag:Grenademan
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:the Great Darkness
Posted 21 September 2008 - 09:14 AM
This is from the third chapter of the story I’m working on. The overall setting is that it’s based far into the future, towards the end of a large, twenty-year long war between the fledgling human nations in a particular galaxy of mine, the rest of the story is explained in greater detail in the Prelude.
This follows the story of a squad of convicts conscripted into a rag-tag army, sent to the frontline and to certain death.
The scene begins with the squad deployed to reinforce a small detachment fighting to defend a refinery against an enemy onslaught, with the main character, Vicker, being ordered to stay behind to keep an eye on the rear entrance of the refinery.
The interior resembled much like that of a rainforest, with the exception that the trees here were made of iron and rusted steel. They stretched up high into the sky, the tops of the supports were ripped and shredded indicating that something had peeled the ceiling right off. The entire ground level was a total mess; rubble was strewn across every metre of ground. Sudden movement caught the attention of the squad. Straight out ahead of them, three figures darted across the refinery floor like rats. They were peacekeepers.
“Keep moving!” The deathmen spoke. The squad ran deeper into the belly of the refinery until they were halted by a peacekeeper.
“Hold it!” He shouted. He saw the Hell Breathers and lowered his weapon.
“Sorry, thought you were…who are you? Are you our reinforcements?” He asked.
Crow looked upon the tall, thin man. Trails of glistening sweat snaked down his cheeks while beads of it formed on his forehead. The skin around his eyes was darkened; the poor man hadn’t had any sleep for a while. The peacekeeper grasped a Hedronian assault weapon in his hands, Crow only knew that much. He wasn’t a weapons expert like Vicker was.
“We are your extras.” Said the deathman.
The peacekeeper eyed each of them and scoffed.
“Some relief force!” He exclaimed in an annoyed tone.
The Hell Breathers began climbing over the rubble towards the man. He came close to panicking.
“Uh…I’ll take you to the front, but I can’t guarantee your safety. No one can.”
“Safety never was our concern.” Said one of the Hell Breathers as he continued walking past the peacekeeper. The peacekeeper turned and darted off towards the other side of the refinery, with the squad following close behind.
They were brought to another blast hole, which opened up onto the other side of the refinery. Outside, a huge gunfight was being fought. The ground outside the blast hole was concrete pavement, with two large craters carved deep into them, each crater sitting a few metres from the other. Peacekeepers and other convicts stood in them, firing at the buildings across the main road. Hedronian troops were scattered all across these buildings, firing into the refinery.
The road was at least a hundred metres away with the very few remains of concrete walls lined up on the peacekeeper’s side of the street. There were troops covering behind these walls, leaning out to fire at the enemy.
The newly arriving squad scattered to whatever cover they could find when the first salvos of hostile rounds tore up the concrete near them. Jeremiah and Harris ran and dove into one of the craters while Zlecki, Thomas, Crow, Tobra, Mitchell and Kadrick scrambled behind steel supports protruding out of the ground.
Crow leaned out from his position and eyed the spectacle that raged before him. After taking in the sights, he leaned out quickly and raised his carbine, firing off a few shots at the opposing buildings. He heard a few rounds ricochet off of the steel he covered behind.
“I hate getting shot at! I hate getting shot at, man!” Shouted Mitchell. He had fallen over and was crawling towards a smashed concrete wall, tracers shredding the ground all around him. Kadrick reached out and pulled Mitchell back in behind cover.
“Don’t be such a whinger!” He stated.
The two convicts got into a better firing position and returned fire.
“Hey!” Shouted someone across from Crow. Crow looked up to see a peacekeeper waving him over. Tobra, who was nearby, mistook the invitation for her own and also darted over. The two convicts crouched down next to each other in front of the peacekeeper. They both looked at each other, then down at the large opening in the ground that the peacekeeper crouched next to, pistol in his hand.
“What the hell do you want?” Demanded Crow.
“You two seem like great candidates for a my little mission!” He said with exuberance.
“What makes you think that?” Asked Tobra, the same question on Crow’s mind.
“Two disposable convicts with experience in tunnels. Oh and you both have shoulder lamps.” He said. Crow was annoyed by his tone, but was forced to commit to the peacekeeper’s task.
“What do you want us to do, asshole!?” Shouted Crow as a heavy machinegun opened fire behind him.
“I need you two to go down into this maintenance tunnel and follow it to the other side, there’s an anti-tank crew manning a cannon on the far right flank of this refinery.”
“Yeah, so?” Said Crow.
“I haven’t heard from them in a while and we need that cannon!”
“What’s so special about this weapon?” Asked Tobra this time.
“Well it just so happens to be one of a few remaining. So unless you’ve got a better idea on how to kill a Hedronian Battle King, I’m all ears!” Said the peacekeeper.
A concerned expression grew on Crow’s face; he then looked at Tobra.
“Anywhere’s better than here, darling.” Said Tobra, reading his expression.
“Alright, peacekeeper, we’ll run your little errand. How long is this tunnel?” Asked Crow.
“A hundred metres at least. If you come to a junction or a turn off, just keep turning right, don’t deviate or you’ll find yourself underneath the Hedronian positions!”
Crow nodded and grasped the outer lip of the tunnel entrance before throwing himself into the pitch black.
He hit the ground with a loud thud and fumbled over himself, landing on his back. He heaved himself up and move out of the way as Tobra came crashing down where he had landed. She let out a yelp as she tried to keep from falling over. Crow looked up at the tunnel opening, blinding yellow sunlight poured in. A voice called to them from above the gunfire.
“You could have used the ladder you know!”
“f@$! you!” Crow said for the second time.
Tobra switched on her shoulder lamp, it let out a bright beam of light into the darkness of the tunnel. Crow did the same.
“I hope we don’t run into any little surprises down here in the dark…” Said Crow, peering into the deep black.
“Let’s get moving, honey.” Said Tobra, beginning to trek into the dark tunnel, their shoulder lamps piercing the blackness like bullets through flesh.
The two lone soldiers crept through the dark, cautiously. The battle that raged above vibrated the ground; occasionally dirt would sift through the ceiling of the tunnel and into the beams of their lights. The sound of the fighting echoed down into the tight corridors, horribly distorting the noise.
I had climbed up into the rusted remains of an observation tower that sat atop the silo and positioned myself on the floor of the tower. There was a fairly large blast hole in the floor and wall, which offered me a favourable firing position that also overlooked the refinery entrance where my squad had entered.
I sat as comfortably as possible with my carbine resting in my arms, waiting for something to enter my death trap.
The Hell Breather had earlier labeled me a “quick shot”. A quick shot is like a sniper, only with inhumanly fast reflexes and armed with a weapon with no scope. All I had was the iron sights at the end of the barrel and my instincts. Even though my rifle was resting hands-free in my lap, I could quickly bring it into a perfect firing position and nail a target at any distance. I always did have unnatural reflexes, and my former job offered me perfect opportunities to execute my abilities. Yes, sometimes I flatter myself.
Something entered my vision and I ripped the carbine up to my cheek and aimed down the sights, lining up the barrel with a soldier running across the yard, and fired. The shot struck the man in the side of the head and he dropped to the ground motionless. I paused for a second, hoping that I had not hit a peacekeeper or a fellow convict. It was not, to my relief. It was a Hedronian assault trooper. I couldn’t relax yet, I knew there were others nearby.
As I waited for others to appear in my sights, that strange feeling I received earlier after the landing made an appearance. It slowly crept up on my mind and embraced it tightly, blotting out all other thoughts and emotions. The strange feeling of not guilt, nor remorse, but something that triggered the question “why”. I knew that the Hedronian forces here were emotionless, mindless clones trained to kill and die for their masters will. Yet I couldn’t help but feel almost sorry for him and the others who I had slain mercilessly during the landing. They might be clones and cannon fodder, but they were still in most ways human. They still felt pain, they still mourned when they lost someone they had known, and they still harboured fear when death was in their face.
I managed to shake the grip of this feeling. I don’t know why it was having such an affect on me. I had killed people on Crimin’a; I had…killed even before then. Why was it harassing me now?
The questions vanished as another Hedronian entered my vision. I aimed quickly and just as he leapt over the corpse of his fallen comrade, I fired. My carbine spewed smoke from its barrel and sent the blazing tracer outward into the skull of the assault trooper. This one wasn’t wearing his shrapnel helmet, and suffice it to say, the bullet made a complete mess of the man’s cranium.
Crow strayed behind Tobra like a small fearful child for the entire time they were in the tunnel. He even held onto the back of her belt as they crossed into a watery, rocky section of the tunnel. He had backed off a bit now that they had come to the other side, but before they stepped onto the ramp, Tobra turned around to face Crow.
“Are you scared of the dark?” She asked directly.
Crow froze, his light shining into Tobra’s face. She readjusted the angling of his shoulder lamp so that it’s bright glare shone onto the ceiling. Crow lowered his weapon; an expression of ridiculousness was splashed across his face.
“What!? What kind of a retarded question is that?” He started.
“Seriously, what the hell, Tobra! You know me better than anyone, what in the f@$!’s name makes you think I’m afraid of the dark?” He rambled. Tobra was amused by his annoyance.
“Just the way you were clinging to me in that tunnel. That’s all.”
“That’s stupid…” He said.
“I’m not your f@$!ing mother, Crowbar.” Said Tobra.
“Yeah, well…you smell like her.”
The two shared a brief laugh before finally entering the ramp and walking outside. The tunnel had opened up outside of the outer refinery walls. Collapsed roofing had created a makeshift bunker over the mouth of the tunnel, concealing any weapon positioned there. The two convicts expected there to be some activity, but it was silent. Tobra and Crow then looked on the ground around them as they slowly crouched inside the makeshift bunker. Three dead peacekeepers lay slumped in their own blood; several large empty shells lay discarded on the ground around them. And in the centre of it all was the unmanned anti-tank cannon.
Essentially a large tube, it was recoilless and could fire an armour-piercing explosive shell at impressive distances. It was easily transportable too, it could be taken apart and moved to another position and reassembled in seconds.
“What should we do?” Asked Crow, looking at the dead on the ground.
Tobra looked out of the slit at the buildings across from the refinery. Between those buildings and their bunker was a gigantic blackened crater punched into the earth, it must have been a good three hundred metres across.
“Looks like an impact from orbital fire.” She observed.
“Should we pack this thing up or what?” Asked Crow with a different question.
Tobra was about to answer his question when something caught her attention.
In the streets between the buildings on the other side of the crater, Tobra could see the front panels of a large vehicle; the camouflage scheme was of Hedronian origin. As she examined closely, she could see a large tube extending out from behind the buildings. Tobra recognised the object instantly at that moment. It was a Hedronian Battle King, the largest all-purpose combat tank ever produced; it was built specifically for the Hedronian Invasions.
It dwarfed even the Federation Dragoons and its firepower was so far unmatched. From tread to turret roof, the Battle King towered three metres above all others, it was also a good three metres wide, maybe less maybe more. Along with three built-in machineguns, the main cannon itself was incredibly powerful and resilient. It was designed specifically to fire the shell that only a Battle King could fire. Tobra recalled that it was believed that the Battle King’s cannon was a more compact modification to that of the Destroyer cannon – the weapon used aboard space-borne cruisers.
The tank was immobile and silent; it seemed harmless with its giant turret aiming in another direction, but Tobra was willing to wake the sleeping beast.
“Is that cannon loaded?” She asked.
Crow leant over to the chamber and ripped open the hatch to see a shell was indeed loaded.
“Yeah, there’s one in there.”
Tobra looked around the bunker and spotted a crate next to the cannon mounts, there were at least four shells left in it.
“Alright…get on the sights.” Crow obeyed and slung his rifle, crouching down next to the cannon where the sight was located. He gently nudged one of the corpses out of the way. Tobra slung her carbine and got behind the cannon, grasping the handle and pulling back on the loading lever. It clicked loudly, signalling that the hammer was in position.
“Zero in on the front of that tank, we’ll try and draw it out.”
“Are you sure you want to do that?” Asked Crow hesitantly. Tobra glared at him and he silenced. He aimed the scope on the front panel and adjusted the distance counter.
“Got him.” He said. Tobra was quite surprised; Crow had never fired a military grade weapon before, let alone an anti-tank cannon. His handling of the sights was commendable.
“This is going to hurt your ears…” She warned.
Tobra squeezed the trigger and the cannon shouted, filling the bunker with smoke as the shell was fired out towards the target. Crow maintained his position and saw sparks erupt from the panel of the Battle King.
“Ricochet! It bounced right off!” He exclaimed.
Tobra picked up another shell and pulled open the hatch, jamming the shell into the chamber and shutting the lid.
“Still got a lock?” She yelled.
“Hang on!”
Crow waited for the smoke to clear, it had obscured his sights. Though their ears were recovering from the blast, the duo could hear the Battle King’s engines roaring to life.
“f@$!…” Said Tobra.
“I got him…he’s moving!”
Crow watched as the Battle King lunged forward from its position and halted in the opening, revealing its entire body. The turret began whirring steadily, turning to face the bunker.
“Alright, he’s locked!” Announced Crow.
Tobra squeezed the trigger immediately, the cannon screamed again. The shell pounded the armour skirt of the Battle King and exploded, but it did next to nothing. The smoke cleared and Crow could see that the tank was unscathed.
“s@!$! You should have gone for the turret!”
“Well you should have aimed for the turret!” Argued Tobra.
The Battle King’s slow moving turret was gradually getting closer to locking onto the bunker.
“f@$! it, let’s pack up and get out of here!”
Crow got up, his gaze fixated on the Battle King. Tobra began unlatching the cannon’s supports quickly. Once they were opened, she grabbed the upper handle and turned hard to unclip the barrel and break it in half. The turret came apart and she heaved the rear section onto her shoulder.
“CROW!” She screamed.
Crow snapped and grasped the main barrel. As he did, Tobra was already running down the ramp. Crow chased off after her as quickly as he could, his heart was racing wildly as the two waited for the coming explosion.
“What about the shells!?” Shouted Crow.
“Forget them!” Came the response from the dark.
They ran down into the darkened the tunnels, their shoulder lamps once again piercing the eternal blackness.
The Battle King finally locked onto the bunker and fired, the shell flew in through the firing slit and hit the steel wall and exploded. The almighty blast annihilated the bunker and sent a powerful shockwave down the tunnel, knocking the fleeing pair down onto the ground. A thick cloud of dust surged after the two convicts and engulfed them.
Voila.
This follows the story of a squad of convicts conscripted into a rag-tag army, sent to the frontline and to certain death.
The scene begins with the squad deployed to reinforce a small detachment fighting to defend a refinery against an enemy onslaught, with the main character, Vicker, being ordered to stay behind to keep an eye on the rear entrance of the refinery.
The interior resembled much like that of a rainforest, with the exception that the trees here were made of iron and rusted steel. They stretched up high into the sky, the tops of the supports were ripped and shredded indicating that something had peeled the ceiling right off. The entire ground level was a total mess; rubble was strewn across every metre of ground. Sudden movement caught the attention of the squad. Straight out ahead of them, three figures darted across the refinery floor like rats. They were peacekeepers.
“Keep moving!” The deathmen spoke. The squad ran deeper into the belly of the refinery until they were halted by a peacekeeper.
“Hold it!” He shouted. He saw the Hell Breathers and lowered his weapon.
“Sorry, thought you were…who are you? Are you our reinforcements?” He asked.
Crow looked upon the tall, thin man. Trails of glistening sweat snaked down his cheeks while beads of it formed on his forehead. The skin around his eyes was darkened; the poor man hadn’t had any sleep for a while. The peacekeeper grasped a Hedronian assault weapon in his hands, Crow only knew that much. He wasn’t a weapons expert like Vicker was.
“We are your extras.” Said the deathman.
The peacekeeper eyed each of them and scoffed.
“Some relief force!” He exclaimed in an annoyed tone.
The Hell Breathers began climbing over the rubble towards the man. He came close to panicking.
“Uh…I’ll take you to the front, but I can’t guarantee your safety. No one can.”
“Safety never was our concern.” Said one of the Hell Breathers as he continued walking past the peacekeeper. The peacekeeper turned and darted off towards the other side of the refinery, with the squad following close behind.
They were brought to another blast hole, which opened up onto the other side of the refinery. Outside, a huge gunfight was being fought. The ground outside the blast hole was concrete pavement, with two large craters carved deep into them, each crater sitting a few metres from the other. Peacekeepers and other convicts stood in them, firing at the buildings across the main road. Hedronian troops were scattered all across these buildings, firing into the refinery.
The road was at least a hundred metres away with the very few remains of concrete walls lined up on the peacekeeper’s side of the street. There were troops covering behind these walls, leaning out to fire at the enemy.
The newly arriving squad scattered to whatever cover they could find when the first salvos of hostile rounds tore up the concrete near them. Jeremiah and Harris ran and dove into one of the craters while Zlecki, Thomas, Crow, Tobra, Mitchell and Kadrick scrambled behind steel supports protruding out of the ground.
Crow leaned out from his position and eyed the spectacle that raged before him. After taking in the sights, he leaned out quickly and raised his carbine, firing off a few shots at the opposing buildings. He heard a few rounds ricochet off of the steel he covered behind.
“I hate getting shot at! I hate getting shot at, man!” Shouted Mitchell. He had fallen over and was crawling towards a smashed concrete wall, tracers shredding the ground all around him. Kadrick reached out and pulled Mitchell back in behind cover.
“Don’t be such a whinger!” He stated.
The two convicts got into a better firing position and returned fire.
“Hey!” Shouted someone across from Crow. Crow looked up to see a peacekeeper waving him over. Tobra, who was nearby, mistook the invitation for her own and also darted over. The two convicts crouched down next to each other in front of the peacekeeper. They both looked at each other, then down at the large opening in the ground that the peacekeeper crouched next to, pistol in his hand.
“What the hell do you want?” Demanded Crow.
“You two seem like great candidates for a my little mission!” He said with exuberance.
“What makes you think that?” Asked Tobra, the same question on Crow’s mind.
“Two disposable convicts with experience in tunnels. Oh and you both have shoulder lamps.” He said. Crow was annoyed by his tone, but was forced to commit to the peacekeeper’s task.
“What do you want us to do, asshole!?” Shouted Crow as a heavy machinegun opened fire behind him.
“I need you two to go down into this maintenance tunnel and follow it to the other side, there’s an anti-tank crew manning a cannon on the far right flank of this refinery.”
“Yeah, so?” Said Crow.
“I haven’t heard from them in a while and we need that cannon!”
“What’s so special about this weapon?” Asked Tobra this time.
“Well it just so happens to be one of a few remaining. So unless you’ve got a better idea on how to kill a Hedronian Battle King, I’m all ears!” Said the peacekeeper.
A concerned expression grew on Crow’s face; he then looked at Tobra.
“Anywhere’s better than here, darling.” Said Tobra, reading his expression.
“Alright, peacekeeper, we’ll run your little errand. How long is this tunnel?” Asked Crow.
“A hundred metres at least. If you come to a junction or a turn off, just keep turning right, don’t deviate or you’ll find yourself underneath the Hedronian positions!”
Crow nodded and grasped the outer lip of the tunnel entrance before throwing himself into the pitch black.
He hit the ground with a loud thud and fumbled over himself, landing on his back. He heaved himself up and move out of the way as Tobra came crashing down where he had landed. She let out a yelp as she tried to keep from falling over. Crow looked up at the tunnel opening, blinding yellow sunlight poured in. A voice called to them from above the gunfire.
“You could have used the ladder you know!”
“f@$! you!” Crow said for the second time.
Tobra switched on her shoulder lamp, it let out a bright beam of light into the darkness of the tunnel. Crow did the same.
“I hope we don’t run into any little surprises down here in the dark…” Said Crow, peering into the deep black.
“Let’s get moving, honey.” Said Tobra, beginning to trek into the dark tunnel, their shoulder lamps piercing the blackness like bullets through flesh.
The two lone soldiers crept through the dark, cautiously. The battle that raged above vibrated the ground; occasionally dirt would sift through the ceiling of the tunnel and into the beams of their lights. The sound of the fighting echoed down into the tight corridors, horribly distorting the noise.
V I C K E R
I had climbed up into the rusted remains of an observation tower that sat atop the silo and positioned myself on the floor of the tower. There was a fairly large blast hole in the floor and wall, which offered me a favourable firing position that also overlooked the refinery entrance where my squad had entered.
I sat as comfortably as possible with my carbine resting in my arms, waiting for something to enter my death trap.
The Hell Breather had earlier labeled me a “quick shot”. A quick shot is like a sniper, only with inhumanly fast reflexes and armed with a weapon with no scope. All I had was the iron sights at the end of the barrel and my instincts. Even though my rifle was resting hands-free in my lap, I could quickly bring it into a perfect firing position and nail a target at any distance. I always did have unnatural reflexes, and my former job offered me perfect opportunities to execute my abilities. Yes, sometimes I flatter myself.
Something entered my vision and I ripped the carbine up to my cheek and aimed down the sights, lining up the barrel with a soldier running across the yard, and fired. The shot struck the man in the side of the head and he dropped to the ground motionless. I paused for a second, hoping that I had not hit a peacekeeper or a fellow convict. It was not, to my relief. It was a Hedronian assault trooper. I couldn’t relax yet, I knew there were others nearby.
As I waited for others to appear in my sights, that strange feeling I received earlier after the landing made an appearance. It slowly crept up on my mind and embraced it tightly, blotting out all other thoughts and emotions. The strange feeling of not guilt, nor remorse, but something that triggered the question “why”. I knew that the Hedronian forces here were emotionless, mindless clones trained to kill and die for their masters will. Yet I couldn’t help but feel almost sorry for him and the others who I had slain mercilessly during the landing. They might be clones and cannon fodder, but they were still in most ways human. They still felt pain, they still mourned when they lost someone they had known, and they still harboured fear when death was in their face.
I managed to shake the grip of this feeling. I don’t know why it was having such an affect on me. I had killed people on Crimin’a; I had…killed even before then. Why was it harassing me now?
The questions vanished as another Hedronian entered my vision. I aimed quickly and just as he leapt over the corpse of his fallen comrade, I fired. My carbine spewed smoke from its barrel and sent the blazing tracer outward into the skull of the assault trooper. This one wasn’t wearing his shrapnel helmet, and suffice it to say, the bullet made a complete mess of the man’s cranium.
T O B R A
Crow strayed behind Tobra like a small fearful child for the entire time they were in the tunnel. He even held onto the back of her belt as they crossed into a watery, rocky section of the tunnel. He had backed off a bit now that they had come to the other side, but before they stepped onto the ramp, Tobra turned around to face Crow.
“Are you scared of the dark?” She asked directly.
Crow froze, his light shining into Tobra’s face. She readjusted the angling of his shoulder lamp so that it’s bright glare shone onto the ceiling. Crow lowered his weapon; an expression of ridiculousness was splashed across his face.
“What!? What kind of a retarded question is that?” He started.
“Seriously, what the hell, Tobra! You know me better than anyone, what in the f@$!’s name makes you think I’m afraid of the dark?” He rambled. Tobra was amused by his annoyance.
“Just the way you were clinging to me in that tunnel. That’s all.”
“That’s stupid…” He said.
“I’m not your f@$!ing mother, Crowbar.” Said Tobra.
“Yeah, well…you smell like her.”
The two shared a brief laugh before finally entering the ramp and walking outside. The tunnel had opened up outside of the outer refinery walls. Collapsed roofing had created a makeshift bunker over the mouth of the tunnel, concealing any weapon positioned there. The two convicts expected there to be some activity, but it was silent. Tobra and Crow then looked on the ground around them as they slowly crouched inside the makeshift bunker. Three dead peacekeepers lay slumped in their own blood; several large empty shells lay discarded on the ground around them. And in the centre of it all was the unmanned anti-tank cannon.
Essentially a large tube, it was recoilless and could fire an armour-piercing explosive shell at impressive distances. It was easily transportable too, it could be taken apart and moved to another position and reassembled in seconds.
“What should we do?” Asked Crow, looking at the dead on the ground.
Tobra looked out of the slit at the buildings across from the refinery. Between those buildings and their bunker was a gigantic blackened crater punched into the earth, it must have been a good three hundred metres across.
“Looks like an impact from orbital fire.” She observed.
“Should we pack this thing up or what?” Asked Crow with a different question.
Tobra was about to answer his question when something caught her attention.
In the streets between the buildings on the other side of the crater, Tobra could see the front panels of a large vehicle; the camouflage scheme was of Hedronian origin. As she examined closely, she could see a large tube extending out from behind the buildings. Tobra recognised the object instantly at that moment. It was a Hedronian Battle King, the largest all-purpose combat tank ever produced; it was built specifically for the Hedronian Invasions.
It dwarfed even the Federation Dragoons and its firepower was so far unmatched. From tread to turret roof, the Battle King towered three metres above all others, it was also a good three metres wide, maybe less maybe more. Along with three built-in machineguns, the main cannon itself was incredibly powerful and resilient. It was designed specifically to fire the shell that only a Battle King could fire. Tobra recalled that it was believed that the Battle King’s cannon was a more compact modification to that of the Destroyer cannon – the weapon used aboard space-borne cruisers.
The tank was immobile and silent; it seemed harmless with its giant turret aiming in another direction, but Tobra was willing to wake the sleeping beast.
“Is that cannon loaded?” She asked.
Crow leant over to the chamber and ripped open the hatch to see a shell was indeed loaded.
“Yeah, there’s one in there.”
Tobra looked around the bunker and spotted a crate next to the cannon mounts, there were at least four shells left in it.
“Alright…get on the sights.” Crow obeyed and slung his rifle, crouching down next to the cannon where the sight was located. He gently nudged one of the corpses out of the way. Tobra slung her carbine and got behind the cannon, grasping the handle and pulling back on the loading lever. It clicked loudly, signalling that the hammer was in position.
“Zero in on the front of that tank, we’ll try and draw it out.”
“Are you sure you want to do that?” Asked Crow hesitantly. Tobra glared at him and he silenced. He aimed the scope on the front panel and adjusted the distance counter.
“Got him.” He said. Tobra was quite surprised; Crow had never fired a military grade weapon before, let alone an anti-tank cannon. His handling of the sights was commendable.
“This is going to hurt your ears…” She warned.
Tobra squeezed the trigger and the cannon shouted, filling the bunker with smoke as the shell was fired out towards the target. Crow maintained his position and saw sparks erupt from the panel of the Battle King.
“Ricochet! It bounced right off!” He exclaimed.
Tobra picked up another shell and pulled open the hatch, jamming the shell into the chamber and shutting the lid.
“Still got a lock?” She yelled.
“Hang on!”
Crow waited for the smoke to clear, it had obscured his sights. Though their ears were recovering from the blast, the duo could hear the Battle King’s engines roaring to life.
“f@$!…” Said Tobra.
“I got him…he’s moving!”
Crow watched as the Battle King lunged forward from its position and halted in the opening, revealing its entire body. The turret began whirring steadily, turning to face the bunker.
“Alright, he’s locked!” Announced Crow.
Tobra squeezed the trigger immediately, the cannon screamed again. The shell pounded the armour skirt of the Battle King and exploded, but it did next to nothing. The smoke cleared and Crow could see that the tank was unscathed.
“s@!$! You should have gone for the turret!”
“Well you should have aimed for the turret!” Argued Tobra.
The Battle King’s slow moving turret was gradually getting closer to locking onto the bunker.
“f@$! it, let’s pack up and get out of here!”
Crow got up, his gaze fixated on the Battle King. Tobra began unlatching the cannon’s supports quickly. Once they were opened, she grabbed the upper handle and turned hard to unclip the barrel and break it in half. The turret came apart and she heaved the rear section onto her shoulder.
“CROW!” She screamed.
Crow snapped and grasped the main barrel. As he did, Tobra was already running down the ramp. Crow chased off after her as quickly as he could, his heart was racing wildly as the two waited for the coming explosion.
“What about the shells!?” Shouted Crow.
“Forget them!” Came the response from the dark.
They ran down into the darkened the tunnels, their shoulder lamps once again piercing the eternal blackness.
The Battle King finally locked onto the bunker and fired, the shell flew in through the firing slit and hit the steel wall and exploded. The almighty blast annihilated the bunker and sent a powerful shockwave down the tunnel, knocking the fleeing pair down onto the ground. A thick cloud of dust surged after the two convicts and engulfed them.
Voila.
Hivvy Mitilz.
#55
Evania-PG
-
- Retired Staff
-
- 811 posts
Production Assistant
- Gamertag:Evania Iktaros
- Gender:Female
#56
Commander Loony
-
- Members
-
- 6,786 posts
That guy!
- Gamertag:Grenademan
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:the Great Darkness
Posted 02 October 2008 - 11:07 PM
Funny when I post, it all ends...
Hivvy Mitilz.
#57
yinyang
-
- Members
-
- 295 posts
Follower
- Location:far side of insanity
Posted 03 October 2008 - 11:44 PM
2nd to last post was like 10 days ago man
i like to think that im not crazy, i just have a diffrent veiwpoint
why cant i stop laughing?
why cant i stop laughing?
#58
Gray__Fox
-
- Members
-
- 3,428 posts
Ultimate Strategist
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:North Kilt Town
Posted 04 October 2008 - 03:24 PM
you know... I really am not a reader I'm like 1/88th through all the stuff here
I get tired really fast... hopefully I'll get through someones!
I get tired really fast... hopefully I'll get through someones!
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.~Voltaire 1694-1778
Free inquiry requires that we tolerate diversity of opinion and that we respect the right of individuals to express their beliefs, however unpopular they may be, without social or legal prohibition or fear of success." -- Paul Kurtz
#59
yinyang
-
- Members
-
- 295 posts
Follower
- Location:far side of insanity
Posted 08 October 2008 - 10:51 PM
good luck fox
heres chapter three
Chapter 3
Training
What would I do? “That’s a good question. Mind if I give my answer tomorrow?” I replied. The old man smiled, giving a little half bow, then turned and left. Torth and Langsly turned and followed him. Shelia, after looking at them, started to come in. I held up one of my hands and said, “If you don’t mind, I like a little time by myself.” She looked up, meeting my eyes, then nodded and left. I was still thinking about what happened when Shelia came in a few hours later. She was carrying another tray full of food. She entered quietly, placed the food on the table and turned to leave. “leaving so soon?” I asked.
She stiffened, then looked back and replied, “I thought you were asleep. I just came to give you breakfast.”
I sat up, feeling the bruises start their act. “Breakfast. It’s morning right now?” at her nod I climbed out of bed and headed for the food. “Is everyone else eating right now?” Again she nodded. “Well then,” I said while picking up the food, mind if I join? I have a little to talk about with them.” Again she nodded, then started heading for the door. I followed, holding my tray. We went to the big room and found everyone there eating. Zane and Ruthenia looked up, but the rest continued eating. I sat at a free space on the table and started eating while Shelia went to get some food for her. It took about forty seconds for Gareth to notice that I was sitting at the table, but when he did he stared to snarl out something and was about to lunge at me across, the table when Zane napped out in a voice of pure steel, “Sit down, Gareth. You can try to kill him after we finish eating.” Gareth subsided and went back to eating, but he refused to look at me. “Now then,” continued Zane, “what brings you here?”
I put down my silverware and looked up at him. “I’ve been thinking. Pardon me for being demanding, but I would like to stay here a little while learning about this world, then move out and find just what exactly I want to do. When I mean about learning, I mean learn about the major powers in this world, get used to my abilities, including magic.” Zane showed no reaction until I reached the part about magic. He gave a little snort and shook his head.
“I respect your courage, but I cannot teach you magic. You need a gift to use magic, and that, you don not have.” he replied. “I would be happy to help you with everything else.”
“Courage? What did I get courage from? Making serious request at the dinner table?” I replied. “Besides, I think I got this ‘talent’. Let me show you.” I held out my hand and focused on it, remembering the pull from yesterday. I concentrated on that feeling, and tried to duplicate it. My hand started to glow softly, then let out a crack of thunder while lighting shot out of my fingers into the plate below and a jolt ran up my arm. Shocked silence followed. I winced and rubbed my arm commenting, “Ow. I was trying for fire. Where did I mess up?”
Zane sighed, then said, “Well, I guess I better teach you magic first to keep from killing yourself.”
I was standing at the mouth of a cave, the forest behind me. I looked behind me, taking in the land marks, fixing this place in my mind. However, I had to go in the cave. Someone was calling me, deep under the ground at the end of the cave. I walked in, calling up some fire as I did, holding it in my hand to light the way. I walked through fantastic caverns full of beautiful scenes shaped by nature and lit by the fire, going deeper into the earth. I finally came to the final cavern which ended with a blank wall. There was a huge breath of air, accompanied faintly by a smell reminding me of sulfur and brimstone. Now that you have found me in your dreams, a huge voice rumble in my head while the enormous face of a dragon filled the area where the blank wall was, you must find me in the flesh. Come, we must go set the world to rights, it continued. There was another breath of air, and I was being blown out of the cave and into the air-
I woke up with a start, soaked in sweat. I reached for the jug of water and filled a cup to the brim. I then drained the glass, set it down, and headed out to the balcony by the dining room. I stood, leaning against the railing, staring at the three moons currently in the sky, thinking about the past month and half. I had been learning basic swordplay, finding the limits of my abilities, becoming better at controlling magic. I especially like the day I learned I could create bullets with magic. I was cleaning one of my guns when Zane and Langsly came over to see what I was doing. “Isn’t that the weapon you used on Gareth when he attacked you?” Langsly had asked.
“No, this one is a twin to the one I shot Gareth with.” I had replied. “This is called a gun. It is a weapon developed to throw small projectiles at high speed to injure or kill enemies.” I paused as a though crossed my head, and then continued. “I guess you could call it a modification on the bow and arrow.” I glanced down at it, then added, “Problem is, I need ammo for these, and I don’t think I could make the bullets.”
“That should be no problem.” Zane had interjected. “You should be able to create them with magic.” I looked up, a frown on my face. “Here, let me show you,” he said, then, holding out his hand, he pulled a knife out of thin air. Then he showed it to me, then tossed into a tree.
It stuck there, and I looked at it studying it, and then asked Zane “What are the limitations?”
He glanced at me, and then said, “You have to know what you are making, what it is made with, and how it is shaped. It also takes a lot of energy to create something out of nothing.”
I sat there, picturing me making a bullet, with all the pieces being assembled and made one, then held out my hand and willed it to happen. The result was a cloud that came together to form a bullet. I inspected it, then reassembled my gun, loaded the single bullet aimed it at the end of the handle of the knife, and pulled the trigger. The gun bucked with more recoil then I had expected, and the bullet, shoved the knife as deep as it could go in the tree, shattered the handle, then continued, shoving the blade entirely through the trunk, and still had enough momentum to send it flying about ten feet farther. I blinked in surprise, then looked down at the gun, which seemed no worse for wear. I looked up, then set the gun down, then held my hands over an empty part of the table and concentrated, creating sixty bullets. Then, with another burst of effort, created five twelve-round magazines. I stayed like that, looking over what I created, then sagged and almost fell out of the chair when and unfamiliar exhaustion came over me, though it soon passed. I sat there, blinking like an idiot, the looked up into Zane’s face and said, “I don’t think I’ll be doing that again.”
I smiled at the recollection, then turned to find Shelia standing behind me, watching me. I nodded, then headed back to my room to go to sleep
I woke up the next morning and headed towards the dining room. I sat down and had breakfast with everyone, then, at the end of the meal, announced that I was going to leave. It was met with glee from Gareth, worry from Ruthenia and Shelia, neutrality from Torth, Leandisil, and Langsly, and acceptance from Zane. “However,” I continued, “I will need a couple things first. I will need a way to get in contact with you should the need arise and I would like it if I could get that spell you used to hide those swords in those rings.”
“We’ll show you where you can get in contact with us when you leave,” Zane replied, “but the spell is pretty simple. You just need to visualize and object going into a gem.” He tossed me a plain silver ring with a diamond set in it. “The only limitations are size of the gems and flaws. The more flaws, the less space you have to store items.” I caught the ring and did as he said with the table knife. I could feel the knife go in the ring, and then I pulled it out and out it came, looking good as new. I spent the rest of the day practicing, then finished the little packing I had to do. I stored my three guns, plus the two swords and variety of knives I had created in the little silver ring, and discovered I had space to spare in the ring. I went back to the dining room and discovered everyone waiting there for me. It was time to leave.
ill start working on chapter 4
criticisms and reveiws please
btw, i did all of this in one afternoon WOOT!
heres chapter three
Chapter 3
Training
What would I do? “That’s a good question. Mind if I give my answer tomorrow?” I replied. The old man smiled, giving a little half bow, then turned and left. Torth and Langsly turned and followed him. Shelia, after looking at them, started to come in. I held up one of my hands and said, “If you don’t mind, I like a little time by myself.” She looked up, meeting my eyes, then nodded and left. I was still thinking about what happened when Shelia came in a few hours later. She was carrying another tray full of food. She entered quietly, placed the food on the table and turned to leave. “leaving so soon?” I asked.
She stiffened, then looked back and replied, “I thought you were asleep. I just came to give you breakfast.”
I sat up, feeling the bruises start their act. “Breakfast. It’s morning right now?” at her nod I climbed out of bed and headed for the food. “Is everyone else eating right now?” Again she nodded. “Well then,” I said while picking up the food, mind if I join? I have a little to talk about with them.” Again she nodded, then started heading for the door. I followed, holding my tray. We went to the big room and found everyone there eating. Zane and Ruthenia looked up, but the rest continued eating. I sat at a free space on the table and started eating while Shelia went to get some food for her. It took about forty seconds for Gareth to notice that I was sitting at the table, but when he did he stared to snarl out something and was about to lunge at me across, the table when Zane napped out in a voice of pure steel, “Sit down, Gareth. You can try to kill him after we finish eating.” Gareth subsided and went back to eating, but he refused to look at me. “Now then,” continued Zane, “what brings you here?”
I put down my silverware and looked up at him. “I’ve been thinking. Pardon me for being demanding, but I would like to stay here a little while learning about this world, then move out and find just what exactly I want to do. When I mean about learning, I mean learn about the major powers in this world, get used to my abilities, including magic.” Zane showed no reaction until I reached the part about magic. He gave a little snort and shook his head.
“I respect your courage, but I cannot teach you magic. You need a gift to use magic, and that, you don not have.” he replied. “I would be happy to help you with everything else.”
“Courage? What did I get courage from? Making serious request at the dinner table?” I replied. “Besides, I think I got this ‘talent’. Let me show you.” I held out my hand and focused on it, remembering the pull from yesterday. I concentrated on that feeling, and tried to duplicate it. My hand started to glow softly, then let out a crack of thunder while lighting shot out of my fingers into the plate below and a jolt ran up my arm. Shocked silence followed. I winced and rubbed my arm commenting, “Ow. I was trying for fire. Where did I mess up?”
Zane sighed, then said, “Well, I guess I better teach you magic first to keep from killing yourself.”
I was standing at the mouth of a cave, the forest behind me. I looked behind me, taking in the land marks, fixing this place in my mind. However, I had to go in the cave. Someone was calling me, deep under the ground at the end of the cave. I walked in, calling up some fire as I did, holding it in my hand to light the way. I walked through fantastic caverns full of beautiful scenes shaped by nature and lit by the fire, going deeper into the earth. I finally came to the final cavern which ended with a blank wall. There was a huge breath of air, accompanied faintly by a smell reminding me of sulfur and brimstone. Now that you have found me in your dreams, a huge voice rumble in my head while the enormous face of a dragon filled the area where the blank wall was, you must find me in the flesh. Come, we must go set the world to rights, it continued. There was another breath of air, and I was being blown out of the cave and into the air-
I woke up with a start, soaked in sweat. I reached for the jug of water and filled a cup to the brim. I then drained the glass, set it down, and headed out to the balcony by the dining room. I stood, leaning against the railing, staring at the three moons currently in the sky, thinking about the past month and half. I had been learning basic swordplay, finding the limits of my abilities, becoming better at controlling magic. I especially like the day I learned I could create bullets with magic. I was cleaning one of my guns when Zane and Langsly came over to see what I was doing. “Isn’t that the weapon you used on Gareth when he attacked you?” Langsly had asked.
“No, this one is a twin to the one I shot Gareth with.” I had replied. “This is called a gun. It is a weapon developed to throw small projectiles at high speed to injure or kill enemies.” I paused as a though crossed my head, and then continued. “I guess you could call it a modification on the bow and arrow.” I glanced down at it, then added, “Problem is, I need ammo for these, and I don’t think I could make the bullets.”
“That should be no problem.” Zane had interjected. “You should be able to create them with magic.” I looked up, a frown on my face. “Here, let me show you,” he said, then, holding out his hand, he pulled a knife out of thin air. Then he showed it to me, then tossed into a tree.
It stuck there, and I looked at it studying it, and then asked Zane “What are the limitations?”
He glanced at me, and then said, “You have to know what you are making, what it is made with, and how it is shaped. It also takes a lot of energy to create something out of nothing.”
I sat there, picturing me making a bullet, with all the pieces being assembled and made one, then held out my hand and willed it to happen. The result was a cloud that came together to form a bullet. I inspected it, then reassembled my gun, loaded the single bullet aimed it at the end of the handle of the knife, and pulled the trigger. The gun bucked with more recoil then I had expected, and the bullet, shoved the knife as deep as it could go in the tree, shattered the handle, then continued, shoving the blade entirely through the trunk, and still had enough momentum to send it flying about ten feet farther. I blinked in surprise, then looked down at the gun, which seemed no worse for wear. I looked up, then set the gun down, then held my hands over an empty part of the table and concentrated, creating sixty bullets. Then, with another burst of effort, created five twelve-round magazines. I stayed like that, looking over what I created, then sagged and almost fell out of the chair when and unfamiliar exhaustion came over me, though it soon passed. I sat there, blinking like an idiot, the looked up into Zane’s face and said, “I don’t think I’ll be doing that again.”
I smiled at the recollection, then turned to find Shelia standing behind me, watching me. I nodded, then headed back to my room to go to sleep
I woke up the next morning and headed towards the dining room. I sat down and had breakfast with everyone, then, at the end of the meal, announced that I was going to leave. It was met with glee from Gareth, worry from Ruthenia and Shelia, neutrality from Torth, Leandisil, and Langsly, and acceptance from Zane. “However,” I continued, “I will need a couple things first. I will need a way to get in contact with you should the need arise and I would like it if I could get that spell you used to hide those swords in those rings.”
“We’ll show you where you can get in contact with us when you leave,” Zane replied, “but the spell is pretty simple. You just need to visualize and object going into a gem.” He tossed me a plain silver ring with a diamond set in it. “The only limitations are size of the gems and flaws. The more flaws, the less space you have to store items.” I caught the ring and did as he said with the table knife. I could feel the knife go in the ring, and then I pulled it out and out it came, looking good as new. I spent the rest of the day practicing, then finished the little packing I had to do. I stored my three guns, plus the two swords and variety of knives I had created in the little silver ring, and discovered I had space to spare in the ring. I went back to the dining room and discovered everyone waiting there for me. It was time to leave.
ill start working on chapter 4
criticisms and reveiws please
btw, i did all of this in one afternoon WOOT!
i like to think that im not crazy, i just have a diffrent veiwpoint
why cant i stop laughing?
why cant i stop laughing?
#60
Malus Rune
-
- Members
-
- 4,092 posts
Canadian Idiot
- Gamertag:Malus Rune
-
Fav. Game:
- Gender:Male
- Location:Blackwater Park
Posted 08 February 2009 - 12:19 PM
O.K, our next assessed piece of work for English was to write a compelling opening for a story. I'd like some feedback; this is what I've got down. I'm not going to tell you too much about the backstory, as the whole point of this is that it's a compelling opening.
Oh, and I know that the paragraphs are stupid. The paragraph-spacing-system doesn't shine through in Copy-Pasting. Also, some sections are meant to be in itallics, but I couldn't be bothered to put them all in.
The first signs of a storm had appeared before the sun rose and after it had dipped below the rocky horizon some sixteen-and-a-half hours later, the skies were pulsating with clouds as thick and noxious as sulphur. Born out over the Boiling Seas and fuelled by wind and airborne ashes, it blasted over the ridges and valleys of its hunting ground, heaping the cascades of scree into pyramids and whipping plumes of lava from the craters to speckle the ground with fiery droplets. The locals called it a Haraya; a furious deity that brooded over the glowing mountains to scream destruction at anything in its path.
It had been fifty days since the Haraya had first been sighted by one of the camps on the Islands, and ten days less since it had hit land. Now, almost a month after it had been born, it was in its death throes. The camps which had gotten word of its arrival had swiftly moved out of its path and were now making preparations to return with the monster’s death. Those which had not either took their chances in the shelter of the burning craters, or were lost to the fires and winds.
Hyan knew from experience the strength of the Haraya when it struck. He had seen people torn screaming from the slopes by the gales or slurped out of the crevasses by the tornadoes, or crushed as the rocks they had been sheltering under had been blown over to shatter every bone in their body. He had “seen the sky blacken” over twenty times in his life and knew them to be the most powerful nemesis a man could face in the world. So far, he had survived. But this time it was different. This time, he wasn’t huddling in a tent pegged to the inside of a crater or the walls of a cave. This time, he was scrambling up the mountain’s obsidian flesh, body pressed close to the rock, open to the harshest elements imaginable.
Winds wrapping themselves around his bony form, Hyan pulled himself over a ledge onto a relatively gentle slope, rubbing a neat line of skin off his belly on a rock as he did so. Even though he no longer needed all of his limbs for climbing, he didn’t dare stand up. In these winds, the lower you were, the safer you were. If the wind tossed a slip of ash or molten rock into your back or arm, you were hurt. If it landed on your face, you were left blinded, disfigured or dead. Plus the ash underfoot was fresh and warm, and the wind whipping over him was cruel and cold.
Ahead, Hyan could see the towering summit of the mountain, staining the ashen clouds above it with ominous palettes of red and yellow. Wiping the spiky curtain of hair from out of the way of his green eyes, Hyan paused to suck a mouthful of water out of the flask at his hip. Aside from the loincloth that his flask- as well as his knife and rope- hung on, he was naked. No clothing they could give him would save him from the worst that the storm could throw at him, and in a world of fire and smoke, keeping fleet-footed and cool was far more important then avoiding the little stings that flicked against his back.
Silhouetted against the red and black sky, Hyan saw the reason he had come out to brave the storm. Standing, eerily majestic, on a lip of rock thrust out from the top of the mountain, was a figure, standing upright, burning flecks of ash blowing into her sides and outstretched arms. He sighed with relief- she wasn’t dead.
“Ahamura!” he bellowed her name out at the top of this voice “Ahamura, what have you been doing?”
If Ahamura had heard him, she gave no sign of it, continuing to gaze, statuesque, out at the vicious ridge of volcanoes and, above it, its thunderous god. Hyan cursed under his breath and continued upwards towards the summit. Ahamura, the foolish, Ahamura, the stupid, Ahamura, who saw things that weren’t there. Hyan cursed again as a jagged rock, concealed beneath the soft ash around it, bit through the callous of his hand, drawing blood that mixed in with the dirt of his palm. What was the girl thinking this time?
Hyan pulled himself over the final ledge and up onto the edge of the Crater. From up above him came the snarling of thunder and his heart chilled. Wind and ash was one thing. When you were standing at the very top of the highest ground for miles, lightning was a far greater threat.
“Ahamura” he called again “Ahamura, damn you, come back inside!”
Ahead of him, Ahamura lowered her arms. But she did not turn; she merely continued to stare solemnly out at the blasted wasteland of her home.
“Ahamura, please” said Hyan, lowering his voice to a more level tone “We need to leave”
“Come here” said Ahamura softly “Look at this”
Hyan was about to scream that there was no time for one of her little games, but despite every urge he knew that when Ahamura had her heart set on something you couldn’t talk her out of it. Perhaps all she had found was an interesting coloured rock and it would be quicker simply to play along. Shoulders slumping, Hyan stepped onto the ledge with the girl.
“Look!” she laughed, sweeping her arms around her in an arc that would have sent Hyan plummeting to his death had he not ducked just in time.
“What is it?” he asked with strained calmness “What do I look at?”
She didn’t speak.
“Ahamura!” he barked “What do I look at?”
“Wait and you will see”
Groaning inwardly, Hyan resisted the urge to grab Ahamura and force her back to the camp. Nothing seemed to be happening; all he could see was the same old image that he saw wherever he went, no matter where in the world. Legions upon legions of mountains, sporting craters that boiled like sores and belched sick fogs of dust and ash into the air, stretching off as far as the eye could see, and as far as the eye ever would. An occasional burst of colour from flowers blooming in the volcanic soil lower down. Rocks everywhere, in bizarre and eerie shapes. Life on a world of fire.
“Ahamura…”
BANG!
Within a metre from the two, the air lit up as a bolt of lightning impaled the rock below them, sending a blast of hot air washing over the onlooker’s faces.
“Ahamura, come now” stammered Hyan “We must get back!”
“We are safe, Hyan” said Ahamura serenely “Look”
Hyan didn’t want to look, he wanted to grab the mad girl and run back before the next lightning bolt struck, but something in Ahamura’s voice compelled him to stay.
And a second later, he realised what she meant. As the Haraya grew, more and more lightning shot downwards, lighting up the clouds of ash and scarring the rock with burns. Yet while Hyan could see it glowing in the distance, and he could see the bolts screaming down into the valley below him, the skies all around him were clear. Just one, great column of lightning, streaming into the valley
“What is this?” he murmured.
In the skies, something was glowing a bright, bright red; a tiny spot of light, like a star on the underside of the cloud. Hyan squinted and gasped. It was a head-sized blob of molten rock, propelled by the wind far from the crater that had birthed it and now swooping down, towards them.
“Ahamura, get down!” screamed Hyan, raising a hand to pull Ahamura to the floor of the ledge. With impossible speed, she whipped a hand up and snatched his wrist in a grip like iron, still not taking her eyes off the column of striking lightning.
And then the glob hit her, square in the face. Hyan’s mouth fell open in shock. Ahamura, the foolish…this was where it had gotten her.
And then she turned to face him.
The blob of molten rock was still clinging to her cheeks and much of her face was covered in it, yet both eyes were open and both looked relaxed. Refreshed, even, as if she had been doused in water on a hot day instead of sprayed with molten rock several thousand metres in the air.
“I was right” she murmured “I was right!”
“How-”
“Hush!” she hissed, interrupting a shocked Hyan “The skies are responding to the call of their master. They cannot harm me now”
“What has happened to you?” screamed Hyan, voice mad with terror and confusion.
“Something has risen in the west” she murmured “The fires have heard the call of their father. He is coming”
She thrust her burning face right up to Hyan’s; the heat scalded his cheeks but he was too terrified to notice.
“He is coming” she hissed again “He is coming!”
Oh, and I know that the paragraphs are stupid. The paragraph-spacing-system doesn't shine through in Copy-Pasting. Also, some sections are meant to be in itallics, but I couldn't be bothered to put them all in.
The first signs of a storm had appeared before the sun rose and after it had dipped below the rocky horizon some sixteen-and-a-half hours later, the skies were pulsating with clouds as thick and noxious as sulphur. Born out over the Boiling Seas and fuelled by wind and airborne ashes, it blasted over the ridges and valleys of its hunting ground, heaping the cascades of scree into pyramids and whipping plumes of lava from the craters to speckle the ground with fiery droplets. The locals called it a Haraya; a furious deity that brooded over the glowing mountains to scream destruction at anything in its path.
It had been fifty days since the Haraya had first been sighted by one of the camps on the Islands, and ten days less since it had hit land. Now, almost a month after it had been born, it was in its death throes. The camps which had gotten word of its arrival had swiftly moved out of its path and were now making preparations to return with the monster’s death. Those which had not either took their chances in the shelter of the burning craters, or were lost to the fires and winds.
Hyan knew from experience the strength of the Haraya when it struck. He had seen people torn screaming from the slopes by the gales or slurped out of the crevasses by the tornadoes, or crushed as the rocks they had been sheltering under had been blown over to shatter every bone in their body. He had “seen the sky blacken” over twenty times in his life and knew them to be the most powerful nemesis a man could face in the world. So far, he had survived. But this time it was different. This time, he wasn’t huddling in a tent pegged to the inside of a crater or the walls of a cave. This time, he was scrambling up the mountain’s obsidian flesh, body pressed close to the rock, open to the harshest elements imaginable.
Winds wrapping themselves around his bony form, Hyan pulled himself over a ledge onto a relatively gentle slope, rubbing a neat line of skin off his belly on a rock as he did so. Even though he no longer needed all of his limbs for climbing, he didn’t dare stand up. In these winds, the lower you were, the safer you were. If the wind tossed a slip of ash or molten rock into your back or arm, you were hurt. If it landed on your face, you were left blinded, disfigured or dead. Plus the ash underfoot was fresh and warm, and the wind whipping over him was cruel and cold.
Ahead, Hyan could see the towering summit of the mountain, staining the ashen clouds above it with ominous palettes of red and yellow. Wiping the spiky curtain of hair from out of the way of his green eyes, Hyan paused to suck a mouthful of water out of the flask at his hip. Aside from the loincloth that his flask- as well as his knife and rope- hung on, he was naked. No clothing they could give him would save him from the worst that the storm could throw at him, and in a world of fire and smoke, keeping fleet-footed and cool was far more important then avoiding the little stings that flicked against his back.
Silhouetted against the red and black sky, Hyan saw the reason he had come out to brave the storm. Standing, eerily majestic, on a lip of rock thrust out from the top of the mountain, was a figure, standing upright, burning flecks of ash blowing into her sides and outstretched arms. He sighed with relief- she wasn’t dead.
“Ahamura!” he bellowed her name out at the top of this voice “Ahamura, what have you been doing?”
If Ahamura had heard him, she gave no sign of it, continuing to gaze, statuesque, out at the vicious ridge of volcanoes and, above it, its thunderous god. Hyan cursed under his breath and continued upwards towards the summit. Ahamura, the foolish, Ahamura, the stupid, Ahamura, who saw things that weren’t there. Hyan cursed again as a jagged rock, concealed beneath the soft ash around it, bit through the callous of his hand, drawing blood that mixed in with the dirt of his palm. What was the girl thinking this time?
Hyan pulled himself over the final ledge and up onto the edge of the Crater. From up above him came the snarling of thunder and his heart chilled. Wind and ash was one thing. When you were standing at the very top of the highest ground for miles, lightning was a far greater threat.
“Ahamura” he called again “Ahamura, damn you, come back inside!”
Ahead of him, Ahamura lowered her arms. But she did not turn; she merely continued to stare solemnly out at the blasted wasteland of her home.
“Ahamura, please” said Hyan, lowering his voice to a more level tone “We need to leave”
“Come here” said Ahamura softly “Look at this”
Hyan was about to scream that there was no time for one of her little games, but despite every urge he knew that when Ahamura had her heart set on something you couldn’t talk her out of it. Perhaps all she had found was an interesting coloured rock and it would be quicker simply to play along. Shoulders slumping, Hyan stepped onto the ledge with the girl.
“Look!” she laughed, sweeping her arms around her in an arc that would have sent Hyan plummeting to his death had he not ducked just in time.
“What is it?” he asked with strained calmness “What do I look at?”
She didn’t speak.
“Ahamura!” he barked “What do I look at?”
“Wait and you will see”
Groaning inwardly, Hyan resisted the urge to grab Ahamura and force her back to the camp. Nothing seemed to be happening; all he could see was the same old image that he saw wherever he went, no matter where in the world. Legions upon legions of mountains, sporting craters that boiled like sores and belched sick fogs of dust and ash into the air, stretching off as far as the eye could see, and as far as the eye ever would. An occasional burst of colour from flowers blooming in the volcanic soil lower down. Rocks everywhere, in bizarre and eerie shapes. Life on a world of fire.
“Ahamura…”
BANG!
Within a metre from the two, the air lit up as a bolt of lightning impaled the rock below them, sending a blast of hot air washing over the onlooker’s faces.
“Ahamura, come now” stammered Hyan “We must get back!”
“We are safe, Hyan” said Ahamura serenely “Look”
Hyan didn’t want to look, he wanted to grab the mad girl and run back before the next lightning bolt struck, but something in Ahamura’s voice compelled him to stay.
And a second later, he realised what she meant. As the Haraya grew, more and more lightning shot downwards, lighting up the clouds of ash and scarring the rock with burns. Yet while Hyan could see it glowing in the distance, and he could see the bolts screaming down into the valley below him, the skies all around him were clear. Just one, great column of lightning, streaming into the valley
“What is this?” he murmured.
In the skies, something was glowing a bright, bright red; a tiny spot of light, like a star on the underside of the cloud. Hyan squinted and gasped. It was a head-sized blob of molten rock, propelled by the wind far from the crater that had birthed it and now swooping down, towards them.
“Ahamura, get down!” screamed Hyan, raising a hand to pull Ahamura to the floor of the ledge. With impossible speed, she whipped a hand up and snatched his wrist in a grip like iron, still not taking her eyes off the column of striking lightning.
And then the glob hit her, square in the face. Hyan’s mouth fell open in shock. Ahamura, the foolish…this was where it had gotten her.
And then she turned to face him.
The blob of molten rock was still clinging to her cheeks and much of her face was covered in it, yet both eyes were open and both looked relaxed. Refreshed, even, as if she had been doused in water on a hot day instead of sprayed with molten rock several thousand metres in the air.
“I was right” she murmured “I was right!”
“How-”
“Hush!” she hissed, interrupting a shocked Hyan “The skies are responding to the call of their master. They cannot harm me now”
“What has happened to you?” screamed Hyan, voice mad with terror and confusion.
“Something has risen in the west” she murmured “The fires have heard the call of their father. He is coming”
She thrust her burning face right up to Hyan’s; the heat scalded his cheeks but he was too terrified to notice.
“He is coming” she hissed again “He is coming!”
Edited by Canadian Idiot, 08 February 2009 - 04:10 PM.
?
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users
